Three Tips to Picking Your Barn-Burner Team
Some might be intimidated by the daunting task of picking their team, and here at Barn-Burner we get it. Its not easy to use a drop down menu to select one of eight players once, but twenty times? Forget it. With that in mind, we've taken this opportunity to shed a little light on some expertly honed practices to help ensure your team is in the top of the rankings in June.
Tip #1. Grab a blank bracket and fill it out.
Historically, the teams that last the longest in playoffs have the highest producing players. So go online, ask the Google machine to set you up with an NHL 2018 Playoffs Bracket, and take a few minutes to make predictions. You may not know a thing about any of the teams or really about hockey in general - but that doesn't matter. Go with your gut and pick the cities you like the most, or the one where you met a dog once. This will help you come team selection time, as you'll gravitate towards players from those teams.
If you're a super nerd like me, predict how many games each series will go (its always between 4 and 7) and see which teams will play more games based on your bracket. The more games, the more opportunities to score a goal, get an assist or make a save.
Tip #2. Start Thinking of a Team Name First.
This probably should have been Tip #1, but whatever. The biggest hurdle most face when selecting a team is deciding on a team name. Should it be dirty? Is there any way I can cleverly add an NHLer's name in there? Yes and yes. Clever wordplay is always encouraged, and going dirty or staying clean is completely up to you - but the tip here is to find something you really like and stick to it. Go with your gut, don't let yourself be discouraged if someone else "doesn't get it". Start early, too. I started in November and all I came up with is Timmy Ho's. My name is Tim. There are seven Tim Horton's within a mile radius of my apartment. Tim Horton's are coloqually referred to as Timmy Ho's. This is as far as I got in five months.
If all else fails, ask your kid what your team name should be. Don't have a kid? Name your team after your dog. No dog? Make a pun on your favorite player, team, or the street you live on. Be advised, however, that dogs, kids and otherwise should be guarded from checking the standings - as I write this a team named "pussy farts" is in first place.
Tip #3. Don't Be a Homer. Or Do.
We get it, you're a huge New Jersey Devils fan. Congrats! You're in playoffs! You can brag all summer over fans of the 15 teams that didn't make it. But let's be real here for a second. The Devils were just dropped into a version of hell with which they aren't familiar (Tim laughs to himself*). They face a first round opponent in the Tampa Bay Lightning. Even if they somehow make their way through and win four games, they'll have to face either the Bruins or the Maple Leafs. Heard it here first, folks - the Devils are not going to win the Stanley Cup. So naturally (as per Tip #1), there will be players available that will make deeper runs in playoffs than the Devils guy you want to toss on your team. Taylor Hall? Sure, I get it. He's incredible. I'm not saying don't pick the best player on your favorite team. Just don't make a habit of picking your third line center over Sidney Crosby (arbitrary comparison, not fact-checked).
Or... you know... you could be a homer. Last year "cheech blunts" was in the final three (can't remember where he finished) because his team was loaded with Penguins, his favorite team. So I suppose the lesson here is you're allowed to be a homer, as long as you can objectively look at your team and still decide that they're really really good at hockey. Also, perhaps you don't care and just want to pick players you like - but I'd argue that you wouldn't have made it this far in my ramblings if that was the case for you.
All advice dispensed here is completely arbitrary and based on the opinion of a constantly disappointed yet still die hard Bruins fan. So there's that. Plus, a lot of things happen in playoffs - sometimes star players get injured, sometimes #8 seeds beat #1 seeds, sometimes refs miss calls. The most important thing to remember is that its supposed to be fun and not taken too seriously, so if your team tanks you can always laugh it off and say "its just some bullshit free fantasy hockey website my loser friend runs, I barely paid attention to who I picked!"
*Tim actually laughed out loud for several minutes and had to wipe the tears away before continuing to administer unsolicited advice.
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